did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
