she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
