I accidentally had phone sex last night
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize