I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
