Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
