One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
