I wish I could punch you in the face.
I think my vagina is haunted
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
