i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize