I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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