Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
