i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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