My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
