i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
cat food counts as protein by the way
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
