it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
