Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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