when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize