just tell him i said nine months
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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