There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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