Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
