i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My bed smells like the plague
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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