Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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