I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
