K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
