didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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