She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize