my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
operation have a gay friend backfired
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Randomize
