my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Randomize
