She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
