I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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