so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
