I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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