This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
