Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize