I'd wear matching sweaters with you
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
