addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
