Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
