turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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