I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
