it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
