Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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