i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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