You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
