My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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