How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
