My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I wish I only lived at night.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
