I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize