just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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