your parents love me but you hate me
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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