I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
