Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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