You're my little dorito
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
