"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
