Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
