I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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