people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Are my feet made of real feet?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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