apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
