I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize