Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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