eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
