I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
