i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
