It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
