Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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