I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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