So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
