mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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