Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
