WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
