omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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